Friday, December 29, 2006

Girl's Day Out!

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

Whichever goddess invented pampering was a sparkling star among geniuses! Today the Babes hit the salon for spa pedicures. We had our delicate goddess tootsies bathed, oiled, massaged and decorated. While we talked of vacations, kids, husbands and colon cleanses our discreet attendents worked their magic. The only way it could have been better is if our chairs had been arranged in a circle. This spa even had cushy pillows! I have to say the chlorinated city water in a styrofoam cup was a little out of place in our plush surroundings but, a goddess needs something to keep her grounded.
So, about those colon cleanses. . . I've actually thought of putting myself through that particular indignity. Oh to be that clean on the inside. The idea has intrigued me ever since my grandmother told me what those little red rubber bags, that hung in everyone's bathroom, were for when I was a kid. "Eif ya git a little backed up, yew can just stick that hose up yer heiny a everthin' comes out nice and neat." (Granny had a little bit of her West Virginia accent left over from her girlhood).
I don't know how the neat part worked exactly but I figured it was just an expression anyway. Nothing I visualized was particularly nice or neat. However, it was one of the longer conversation I ever had with Grandma Iris, and I remember it. She usually would say something along the lines of, "Why don't you go on and bother your mommy with that bizness?"
Now I could understand taking care of a problem in the privacy of your own bathroom but, I was lucky enough to be given a tour of the Naturopath college once. One minute we were in the herb garden, among beautiful healing plants, and the next(without any warning at all) the tour was led into a room with two metal beds with troughs attached on both sides. It was the colonic room, where for an absorbinant fee one could have ones's colon cleansed in an invasive manner. I learned that the 'retrieved contents' were carefully examined by medical students. OK, Yuk! Evidently they find a lot of undissolved vitamins and any number of supplements. I didn't need an explanation to know that we, in the modern world, do not have good digestion.
Every time I take a pill now I say a little prayer to the goddess of digestion to please, please let this pill dissolve and not be stuck in my lower extremities for all eternity.
Back to the spa. . . Well, while Babe number three (that's by chair order) regaled us with her lovely colon cleansing experience, Babe number two seemed pretty grossed out. Maybe not so much grossed out as, hmmm. . . no, she was probably grossed out but, in a mature considerate way. She used the expression, "You've got to be frigging kidding me!" I believe. I was too amused to be completely conscious of every detail of the conversation. My thoughts, between fits of laughter, kept drifting to the three people doing the pampering. What must they hear on a daily basis? They managed so well not to respond. It was truly admirable.
Babe three kept on talking about her wonderful experience with hydro-therapy of the colon. Babe two kept up her interjections of astonishment. But, while I couldn't stop laughing at the conversation in that serene and public environment, I think I was still aware that the rest of the spa was dead silent. I bet there is a rush on the hydro-therapy, colon cleansing thingy place tomorrow! Women with brand new manicures and pedicures stampeding the doors for the ultimate cleanse.
I love my Babes, and I loved my outing with them. I was so happy when we didn't end it in the salon. NO, we didn't try to get a group rate for the ultimate cleanse. We went shopping at Chico's where we get to be a size 2 because whoever owns those stores must be a shining star, genius of a goddess too. Babe three made us try on beautiful tops, and then she secretly paid for them. What a fun and unexpected act of kindness! We were pretty darned excited to walk out with our gifts in size 2. I got to show mine off at a party tonight. Babe two gets to show hers off on television. How cool is that?
I can hardly wait for another girl's day out.
May peace, pampering and good friends be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.

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