Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Liposuck That!

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

The good news is, I don't need botox anymore. The bad news is, I may need liposuction of the brain. Something is pressing on my brain, and making me fuzzy. All of my extra weight gain has caused my face to plump up so that I no longer need consider injecting poison into my furrowed brow.  However, I feel like there is a layer of fat around my brain now too. Fat = good for face = bad for thinking clearly.

I know that I am not thinking clearly because I am enjoying my job. This time of year, I usually can't wait to rid myself of the little ankle nipping six year olds, known as my students, by escaping to a tropical beach. Now, I am planning fun, holiday activities with cinnamon and applesauce, curling ribbon, glitter and cookie cutters. AND, I am liking it. Something is not right.

I know that my brain is not working correctly because I invited company over, for dinner, on a school night. I am cooking lasagna. Since Amy's has stopped making the family sized lasagna, I will be making my own -- FROM SCRATCH. Do you know how many flipping steps there are in lasagna preparation? More than two, which is one more than I usually care to be a party to.

There have been other signs of fat brain malfeasance. For instance, I keep wearing heals to work. This is not that comfortable, and I am not that young. I am not Tina Turner for christ's sake. (sorry Jesus) But, heels are slimming, and draw attention to one's legs. My legs look great (in stockings;I have varicose veins).  Heels also thrust one's buttocks out in a sexy manner. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE SEXY WHEN SURROUNDED BY TINY PEOPLE UNDER 30! Something is misfiring. Why am I drawn to inappropriate foot attire at this time? I have no idea. By the end of the day I am limping down the hall saying, "Ow, Ow" ever so quietly, to myself. 

Lastly, I have decided to KNIT my Christmas gifts this year. Christmas is less than a month away. I have 9 nieces and nephews, 8 siblings of varying kinds (four sisters, four brother-in-laws), 7 loved ones by marriage and birth (three mother-in-laws, two father-in-laws, my mother & my husband -- some people got married more than others), 6 gifting co-workers, 5 girlfriends, 4 pets a whining, 3 parent helpers, 2 children to whom I gave birth, and a partridge in a pear tree.  I have truly lost my mind.

May peace and abundance surround you (but, not necessarily around your brain) from, The Goddess of Everything.       


Sister2 said...

What did you wear to work today?

Goddess of Everything said...

a purple, velour lounging outfit, and suede merrells. OH, and Spanx, of course.

Things that puzzle this other goddess.... said...

LOL Thank you for my chuckle. And the goddess of ANYTHING would NEVER catch me in high heels if I could help it! YUCK! I may hate the look of clogs and sneakers, but my fat feet and middle aged back find them very comfortable.

Commiserations given to you on your brain fat...but how is lasagna from scratch helping this? ;D