Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

Now that the election of the millennium is over, I can focus on me. I can focus on me, and my fat a$$. Boy howdy, how it has grown. I went to A Chorus Line, with my mom, last summer, and you know that song?  "Tits and A$$". Well, I've got the gut and the other word that I am tired of disguising so will just leave it up to you to fill in the blank. The "t" thing is sagging down into my gut, and we've addressed that issue in a previous blog so, I will move on.

Obama's presidential campaign was a finely tuned, rehearsed, and executed symphony much like my new diet plan. Here it is -- Slim Fast and cigarettes. I am going to binge on Slim Fast and cigarettes, and I am starting tomorrow. There is no time to waste. I intend to fit into the same inauguration dress, for Obama, that I wore for Clinton in '93. It is slightly out of style, and a little stained but, it cost a fortune, and I am not going to bind myself up in Spanks and body tape to get into it. 

Are you with me stressed out, sex deprived, overweight women of the Bush years? It is time to shed our excess weight, replace the batteries in our vibrators, and find room in our pantry for a liquid diet and a new oral fixation.  It is time to say, "Yes, we can!"

May peace and a positive attitude be yours from , The Goddess of Everything.

2 comments:

Sister2 said...

I went to a Weight Watchers meeting on Monday and became re-energized. I was "only" up 14 pounds, which was a tiny bit less-worse than I was thinking.

I will do whatever it takes on Nov 8th to fit into your strict new diet regimen. Do I need to buy some cloves, my cigarette of choice? Should I wear a pedometer? Oops, I lost mine.

I cannot drink slimfast, too much sugar, but I can drink green juice or something. Just let me know.

Goddess of Everything said...

Haven't you heard? There is a new slim fast "light".

What ARE we going to do Saturday?