Despite my adamant resolve to lose weight with slim-fast and cigarettes, my convenience store dream never got off the asphalt of the local quickie mart. I was stymied by the "ick" factor; my own gag reflex as it were. This story may yet have a happy ending, but first we must review.
The beginning of my little adventure/adventure to be little began with a perusal of the local one-stop down the hill from my house. It is there that one can buy single, chilled cans of slim-fast meal replacement shakes. Already my commitment was slim -- haha. If I had truly been all in, I would have gone straight to the big box store for a case. My plan was to purchase a can or two to 'see' how I liked it. I carefully coached myself to NOT look at the list of ingredients. Certain ingredients are a deal breaker unless they are in any of the following: cheesy poofs, nutella, hot chocolate, chocolate kisses, fudgesicles, brownies, red vines or kettle corn, and the original recipe M&M's (seriously, I can tell the difference from 10 years ago). However, my ADD kicked in just as I selected a cappuccino flavored, make me skinny, diet drink, and allowing my glasses to slip down my nose, I peered over the top of them to read the ingredients. 'Hydrogenated' peered back at me. I don't eat any kind of hydrogenated unless it is in one of the previously listed free pass items. 'Artificial flavorings' -- another deal breaker. Then, a list of several things I can't pronounce which I have learned from previous encounters are preservatives and fillers. Sigh, I couldn't do it. I couldn't walk out of the store with a can of 'ick'.
With the first blow to my two part diet plan blown, I turned my thoughts to part II -- cigarettes. No need to look at the ingredients list on those suckers. They are full of poison. I don't watch movies with the devil in them, and I don't read horror stories for fun. My readers can rest assured I would not read the side of a cigarette box before sticking a cancer stick in my mouth. How would anyone ever take their first drag if they fell into that trap? Some other force was at work though. Suddenly, everywhere I looked people were smoking. Everywhere. Very large people. Really, really obese people (and I'm not saying I wouldn't qualify) standing outside of restaurants, movie theaters, and the entrance to the hospital. I could not avoid the evidence of my eyes. Cigarettes were not making these people thin. OK, maybe they had just started smoking that day with the same plan in mind that I had had. Seriously though, I doubted it. They all seemed expertly comfortable, and not the least bit furtive in their practiced respite.
I felt deflated, betrayed by my lack of resolve, and utter inability to ignore external sabotage mechanisms. Why is it always like this? I set a goal. It seems reasonable. I try to implement the goal. Then, I actively look for ways to enable my unhealthy habits. I was so close to beginning something that I think could have really helped me achieve my goal weight. With each passing day, we are all just one more day away from the pine box. Why couldn't I stick to my plan, and lie in that box wearing a size 8 Stella McCartney kick ass outfit? Why, oh why, oh why?
May peace and the ability to turn off your inner 'ick' be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.