Saturday, June 28, 2008

Rough Start

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

     " Your muscle relaxants and Tylenol are on the counter, and your coffee is out on the table. It's already 92 degrees out."  My husbands words briefly disturbed the emptiness I'd been trying to achieve in the shower. The warm water was somewhat alleviating as it massaged my sore everything. How can every muscle be so sore  after sleeping? Aren't we supposed to wake up refreshed from a night of sleep? Not me. I'd been restless, and unsuccessful at trying to fall asleep, so I'd gotten up to check my email. Somewhere between the bed and the chair, in my bedroom, I'd lost my mouth appliance. I've been clenching my jaw 24/7 since I was three years old. A night without my mouth thingy, no matter how I try to send messages to my brain to allow my jaw to relax, always, always results in a morning filled with pain. 

     I had thought to take a muscle relaxer before my second attempt at sleep. Why didn't that happen again?  Oh, right -- Duncan's girlfriend. I'd met Duncan on the stairs with his guitar. He let me go ahead of him, and I ran into the cat on my way down. When I picked him up in order to put him outside, Duncan had said, "Here Mom, let me do that".  Everyone has been offering to carry things for me lately so I didn't look into his intent. "No," I said, "I'll do it." I had to go out to the car anyway because that's were my pills were. That's when I ran into Sara, in the dark. She gets off work at 11:00. She and Duncan had been headed out to the porch swing to spend some time together. (Duncan's girlfriend last summer had the same schedule. She also had the same name. Weird). I guess I got sidetracked. I was in my ratty tie dye shorty, holding the cat, which I did relinquish to Duncan. After a quick hello and I just got off work, and I was just putting the cat out, I lost my original purpose for going downstairs. It wasn't until I was flat on my back, in bed, that I remembered the muscle relaxers. "Damn!" I thought I could will myself to keep my face relaxed. It's never worked before, but by then I was tired. I must have fallen asleep pretty quickly after that. The last thing I remember is the soothing sound of Duncan's guitar, and Brent taking my hand and rubbing the inside of my wrist.

Waking up was hell. Everything hurt, not just my jaw. Maybe the backs of my knees didn't hurt. It was pretty late too, and it was already hot in the bedroom, even with the drapes closed and the fan going. Brent put his lips to my forehead , and told me that I felt  warm, and that my cheeks were bright red. Great. I get to be sick and sore.  

Turning off the water, I had flung the shower curtain open a little too roughly, startling myself. The first thing my eyes settled on was the bale of straw on the ground, outside the bathroom window.  Inert. The next thing I saw was my reflection in the mirror across from me. Without my glasses I couldn't see the white stripe running down the part in my hair. If everyone could just be a little near sighted today I could not care that I had forgotten that I was going to dye my roots. It  was too late, I don't think I am going to care because I feel awful. I'm not going anywhere today. Not when I hurt this much, and feel like throwing up, and crawling under the bed until I feel human again.  

May peace and restful sleep be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.


1 comment:

~Sister3 said...

{{{{sending jaw relaxing vibes}}}}