Tonight the goddess speaks about herself:
Why can't I sleep? Where does sleep go when it is not with me? Does it miss me? Does it dis me? I wish I remembered what it feels like to wake up refreshed.
I'd really, really like to sleep like a baby. I've tried everything from herbs to acupuncture, and meditation to heavy doses of alcohol. Hot baths help, but I can't be getting in and out of the tub at all hours of the night. Melatonin only works to make me more relaxed, which is nice, but not an answer to my not sleeping problem. Sex works great! It works great for the guy in my bed.
While he happily snores away, I am left tossing and turning.
I'm beginning to develop a theory that my brain won't switch off. Somehow it isn't getting the right signal. It is like a workaholic on cocaine. I can't seem to stop thinking.
Thinking, thinking, thinking . . .
. . . thinking about what?!
Nothing can be this important that I have to be in a constant state of processing information. Do I really have to be alert when I am filing away my day, or assimilating new information? What about osmosis?
Osmosis sounds like a lovely cocktail served by cabana boys, on a tropical island, under a swaying palm tree. Please, I'd like some osmosis.
Dreams. I don't remember dreams because I apparently don't have time for them. Could my brain be protecting me from bad dreams? If I knew, would I prefer my constant state of 'awake'? Perhaps. Perhaps, but I'll never know.
If I were a party girl this would be the perfect situation. I would party all night, and sleep all day. Oh, didn't I mention? Falling asleep during the day isn't too much of a problem. I could doze off at anytime. I just don't let myself for fear that any sleep during the day will make it harder to fall asleep at night. Ha!! I don't seem to have any problem falling asleep after 7 a.m., or when I am in Hawaii, or during long vacations. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't lead a normal life; a normal life that includes a job -- DURING THE DAY. Sigh. I guess I was meant to lead the life of a rich party girl. The answer is now glaringly obvious to me. I am not fulfilling my contract on this little blue planet. Would that I could.
May peace and a fashionable pair of dark glasses be yours from: The Goddess of Everything.
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