Saturday, May 26, 2007

What Does It All Mean?

Today the goddess speaks about herself:
Here I sit, in my undies, in the middle of the night because I can't sleep -- again.
This time it's because I have a headache. When I have a headache I have to elevate my head. No matter how tired I am I have to keep my head up. I tossed back a couple of painkillers, and tiptoed downstairs to find the pain relieving gel I'd left in the kitchen. I got this stuff from my chiropractor. (It was Wednesday, Olgalita; not one of your days in the office, and my bedroom was too messy to ask you to come over and poke me with needles) One must make asides to one's doctor when one's doctor reads one's blog. (Plus, in an act of utter stupidity but, with the best intentions, I gave away the pain relieving stuff you gave me) That was another aside. I need little talking balloons, like in cartoons, only the ones with the little bubbles.

As usual, when I awake in the wee hours, I read the gossip columns. I know that Rosie is not coming back to The View; Apollo Ohno is going to suspend his Dancing With the Stars disco ball trophy from the ceiling, and have it drop down every time someone walks in the door; and Dean McDermott's ex was wearing an old, unflattering bikini when he told her he was leaving her for Tori Spelling. (That sort of puts the icing on a sucky day -- men should wait until their wives are looking totally hot before wiping the floor with them by informing them a younger, more digitally enhanced, nymphet is actually their soul mate).

I also read my horoscope. Today it ends with: Kindness will grease the path to satisfaction. What does that even mean? Don't be a bitch today?
A greasy path doesn't sound all that appealing to me, or safe. Maybe it means that if I am kind today I will get some action from my husband? I don't think it would be kind to leave a greasy path for him to follow if that's the case.
What satisfaction am I looking for today?
Well, I did want to paint the bathroom and install a mirror and a vanity light. I would be really satisfied if that got done today. I guess if I follow the advice of my horoscope being kind will be a better tool than snarking about what kind of help I expect. I still don't want to be greasy. (My neck is all greasy from this headache gel stuff).

I don't really have to put in all of these asides I just realized. Olgalita is in Belize. She asked me last October if I wanted to go with her, and some other women. I said that I couldn't miss a week of work.
Stupid! Stupid! Head-Slapping Stupid!
I could be in Belize, right this very minute instead of sitting, cross-legged, in my underwear in front of my computer in the middle of the night. AND, I wouldn't have this headache because I would be on a relaxing vacation. I also wouldn't be wondering what it means to be kind in order to grease a path. Is that like, you can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar? I guess that means, don't be a bitch, as well.
Being attractive to flies has never been high on my list either.
I'm not supposed to begin sentences with a gerund am I? Or, am I? I don't care. What does that really mean either. Practically no one attempts to use gerunds correctly anymore.

Now that I am just getting silly with fatigue, maybe I should attempt to get back to sleep.
May peace and a better understanding of grammar be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.

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