Thursday, May 1, 2008

Faking A Wonky Heart Valve

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

I'm am beyond exhausted, and of course, I can't sleep.
Back from a wonderful vacation, where I slept like a log, I have quickly descended into crazy land. I have witnesses who saw me sleeping past ten a.m. I was sharing a room after all, and this time I wasn't passed out! This was actual sleep. So what happened?

Well, it's been such a stressful year of teaching that I decided to check myself into a hospital for a rest. Of course, after the big drama of a spurting femoral artery two weeks ago, resulting in a hospital stay, I now know rest and hospital are NOT synonymous. Too late. I am committed to the week's stay. I had to fake a worn out aortic valve to get it, and that's no small task. All of that pretending to be out of breathe after every little exertion is boring. Pretending to be fatigued wasn't so hard since I really don't get my rest during the week. However, faking the mushy glugging sound every time a doctor listened to my heart was totally hard. I had to study up for that one, AND channel Houdini. (Don't let that guy out of his locked box, I'm telling you . . .).

I'm not looking forward to the scar on my beautiful chest, but I'm sure it will be worth the around the clock waiting on I will receive in return. I even get to have a buzzer to call for room service. I barely have to lift my pinky to reach it. One little flick of the finger, and I will have drinks served with sippy straws, and bed pans rushed to my bedside. The hospital even provides a designer nighty. I'm going to be living large soon. Aaahhhh . . . a bed that goes up and down, a television all to myself, around the clock staff to see to my every need, and gorgeous doctors visiting in the middle of the night. What more could a goddess ask for?

May peace and an open heart be yours from, The Goddess of Everything

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