Sunday, April 22, 2007

Back In The Saddle

Today the goddess speaks about herself:
Oops! I did a little sliding off of my saddle recently. Those teeny little goddess jeans that I bought yesterday are not going to fit for long if I allow myself to backslide on the health plan.
Thursday: Happy hour at Morton's with Mary and Karen. Karen didn't have a drink, why did I think I had to have one? I haven't had a drink in months. Well, what's one little glass of chardonnay after all? Turns out Chardonnay is a gateway to two little glasses of Pinot Grigio, two little glasses of Chianti, and a portion of the mudslide (crazy good ice cream cake) I felt compelled to bring home from the big and tall store of restaurants. It's all Mary's fault, then, Lee's, then Barbara's. You know how it started, here's the middle and end.
I wasn't feeling too guilty about the glass of wine Thursday night. The late dinner after the glass of wine was only a minor concern. Part of my plan is that no food will enter my body after 7 PM. We didn't even order dinner until 7:30. By then we had moved on to Southpark, I had the paella, it was just OK-- nothing to write home about. It's no fun when you splurge, and it isn't really worth it. My eyes did not roll back into my head in other words. But, I did sleep better than I had in over a year. I was wondering if I shouldn't have a glass of wine each night, strictly as a sleep aid. Funny, wine used to make me wake up in the middle of the night. Remorse woke me up in the morning though. I was thinking that that was my last slip for a long while. I went nervously to the gym Friday morning. It was my monthly weigh and measure day. I was sure I wouldn't show a loss after my dreadful behavior the night before. NOT TRUE! I'd lost pounds and inches. After the trainer ran the numbers she brought me a copy of my progress since the very beginning. I've lost a lot of weight, baby! Even more inches! She said that I was doing so well she was going to nominate me for Member of The Month. This was just the incentive I needed to stay firmly in the saddle with my thighs clenched and toes pointed down. I took my report card, from the gym, home to show my husband. He rewarded me well. . .
OK, I had a little lapse on Thursday night -- no big deal.
Saturday, I raced to the mall to meet my sister-in-law for power shopping and a belated birthday lunch. Since I'd lost so much weight everything looked good on me. Lee and I had a great time, sharing a dressing room, and telling each other how good we looked. (Three kids and that woman can still wear a bikini; WOW!) We were grabbing shorts and shirts and dresses and shoes, barely looking at each item. Everything looked good on us so we bought everything. Luckily, everything was half off so we were feeling no pain when we headed out for lunch.
The restaurant had just opened for business. I'd never heard of the chain, but apparently they are famous for their giant portions. I don't know what I was thinking when I ordered a martini. Lee didn't feel the urge to have a drink. Now, this is a drink I don't think I mentioned in my opening. This was some kind of crazy blue colored, rum martini. Looking back, I'm sure it was the Chardonnay talking. I'd raised my hand once now, I had somehow forgotten to say, "Just water for me, thanks". It was no small drink either. In my defense I did not drink all of it. I also barely made a dent in my ginormous lunch offering. The waitress had to bring two boxes just for me (giant boxes). Lee looked over at the drink to which she had just treated me. I looked too. It looked kind of forlorn but, what could I do? I was going to be driving in the next five minutes. That's when the waitress brought me my 'free' birthday treat. She had thoughtfully wrapped it up for me as she could see I was kind of a wimp in the cleaning my plate department.
I tried to give the dessert to Lee but, she just smiled at me and told me to take it home to my kids. MY KIDS DON'T EAT SUGAR. This humongous concoction of ice cream and chocolate was not going to be calling to them from the freezer all night. I gave birth to mutants. Non-sugar eating mutants!!
When I got home I ignored the voice in my head that was shouting, "Throw it away! Throw it away!" and popped it into the freezer right along with the containers of extra fudge sauce and whipped cream (there was even a marachino cherry peaking out from the center of the whipped cream). Quickly, I ran upstairs to try on all of my new clothes. This was to remind myself of why I eschew monster calorie loaded sweets. Trying on all of my new clothes did take my mind off of the devil in the freezer. Plus, it was family dinner night at Barbara's. The boys hadn't eaten all day in anticipation. The youngest was even experiencing low blood sugar fatigue such was his dedication to saving room for a nine course dinner at Barb's bistro. OK, here is where it is Barbara's fault; if she hadn't decided to put on these monthly dinners, and if we hadn't gone to the last one and been so impressed that we arranged to have the boys join us for this dinner, I never would have had four more glasses of wine. While last month, I had easily said, "Just water, thanks," this month the food begged to be partnered with wine. (I did pass on the pre-dinner champagne). The asparagus wrapped in prosciutto called out for pinot grigio. The eggplant parmesan cried for Chianti, and the Chianti soaked pear sang as if it's heart was breaking to be partnered with one final taste from the glass (so, it was a pretty long pour. Is that my fault?) I wobbled home on my high heels. I told myself that this was it for months and months. I would not need to indulge my inner calorie hog again for ages.
But, oh how the saddle slips when it has been loosened. It really needs an expert to tighten the straps, and I am no expert! I made it all day Sunday without even thinking about the dessert in the freezer. Well, other than to try to talk my eldest son into eating it before he took himself back to college. (Did I mention that I gave birth to mutants?) He just laughed at me and told me to toss it. TOSS IT! This is free birthday mudslide for God's sake. It will stay in that freezer until someone eats it, or it turns to inedible ice cream goo. Turns out that someone was me. About 4:30 in the afternoon I took that sucker out of the freezer and carved of a little sliver. Then, I went back and carved off another little sliver. As I was wrapping it back up for the second time something in my brain turned on; some little voice in my head, maybe my mutant son's said, "Toss it", and I did. I didn't just throw it in the garbage under the sink where I could dig it out in five minutes either. I tied that devil, with its extra fudge, whipped cream, and half of a maraschino cherry and I put it in the outside garbage!! Yeah baby! Take that! Girlfriend is clenching her thighs for all she's worth. I will not lose my seat completely. I may be under the horse but, I am still attached to that saddle.
May peace and a firm grip be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.

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