Not In The Mood

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

  (Dear Reader, it's not you; it's me.) With that little disclaimer out of the way I can get started on my purely, self-indulgent whine fest.

     I have not kept up with my blog because I have not been able to step out of myself, and see the humor beneath the cloud of gloom I have created all around me.  Maybe it began with the bad haircut . . . maybe it began with the prescription pill weight gain . . . maybe it began when I had to go back to an overly stressful work environment before I was fully recovered from major surgery . . . maybe, maybe, maybe. Who cares. I'm so sick of myself it's ridiculous. There is NOTHING hugely wrong with me. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. That is why I say I created my own gloomy cloud. BORRring.

     I did get a bad, bad haircut. It was a home job. Chop, chop. It is only now beginning to look good to me three months later. I kind of like how it has grown out. To maintain it I could use another haircut. Problem is, I'm afraid of 'hairstylists'. They scare me more than going back in time to visit a sadistic 60's dentist.  My hair has become the least of my worries. It, at least, is tangible. The rest of me is steeped in negative joo joo; bad energy; cloudy karma; wrong firing neurons. 

     It is way past time to hunt down a mule for a good kick to the head. All around me people are having real problems while I grump about my day. But, here's the thing. I have done my best to protect the general population. I have been in deep hibernation. I don't go anywhere besides work. I stay home, I go to work. I keep out of every one's way. When I do have to go out in public people feel the need to remind me how long it has been since they've seen me. Then, the dreaded question, "What have you been doing?"   Argh.  Nothing. I've been doing nothing. Beyond that I am empty of small talk. I cannot for the life of me exchange pleasantries. When asked how I am, I exert herculean self-control to keep from telling them e-x-a-c-t-l-y how I feel, and it's not 'fine'.  Avoiding engagement, I don't ask how them how they are doing either.

     My doc wondered if I had a hole in my aura. God almighty, that's all I need. I don't know if I have a hole in my damned aura. I'm not sure what my aura does, or if it exists. One time some stranger walked up to me, and told me my aura was hot orange, and I must be in a lot of physical pain. Duh, I was rubbing my neck and wincing in -- wait for it -- pain. OK, so if you know me, you know I am open to all of that woo woo stuff. It's just that my bad mood precludes me being able to deal with any other realms of consciousness right now. Here, now, and three dimensions is about all I can handle. 

    I did work with a psychic/energy cleaner outer/woo woo expert recently, and it just made me mad.  Apparently, I had some hitchhiking old woman stuck to me like glue for the last two years. I guess she's gone now but, I'm pretty upset with her for dragging me down. Just who did she think she was sucking up my good energy because she was too afraid to move on to her next destination? Didn't I have enough to deal with with a failing heart, a stressed out spouse, and a sick kid? The woo woo lady told me to write the hitchhiker lady a letter. I was supposed to put all of my bad feelings in the letter, and burn it. I've heard of adult children of screwed up parents doing that. It's supposed to be cathartic. I haven't done that yet. I guess it couldn't hurt but it's one more thing. 

May peace and an intact aura be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.

     

Day Light Savings Time

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

The Goddess HATES Day Light Savings Time. She really really hates 'Spring Forward'. I don't need to lose one more hour of sleep, in my life. If I could gain an hour every month, now that would be worth changing the clocks for.

I will not get over this. I will not go with the flow. I will not ignore it (well, maybe just a little). If I were braver, I would rebel. I would refuse to acknowledge the change, and show up everywhere an hour later. So there!

May peace and more sleep be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.

It's All Been Said Before

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

I haven't written in awhile. Every time I come up with and idea, I read another's blog, who has already stated my point of view. EVERYONE is writing something these days. Good or bad, it all seems to be out there. Also, I haven't felt very funny, but that's another story -- I think . . .

What's left to say? Well, I feel overexposed. I've been on Facebook for a few months now, and it seems like my business is like laundry hanging out to dry in the surburbs. I've done it to myself; filling out all of those surveys and lists about myself. One blogger likened it to the little morsels of pillow talk one usually spills out over months of dating. I've just upchucked myself all over the internet.

Cousin S admitted that it was a bit Narcissistic. This had occurred to me when I first set out on my little FB adventure. I deliberately chose to allow myself to be a narcissist in this particular environment. It's fun. Why not? 

Now, as I find myself, overexposed and wanting to pull back I have to think about how that is going to work. I notice my eldest son and his friends never post a status update. They rarely check the site except to post pictures of/for each other. That seems reasonable -- well, save for the one guy who always posts the pictures of everyone else drinking, drinking, drinking at parties. That's got to get old after a bit. 

I don't want to leave the environment, I simply want to pull in a bit. The catalyst came when someone was suggested to me, as a friend, that I was not prepared to have know anything personal about me. I immediately went in and amped up my privacy settings.  My next step may be to erase my most personal details. I've already begun that process by taking down some of my info. It won't be as much fun perhaps, but the landscape has changed. I am no longer surrounded by only trusted friends. There are all of these friends of friends, and neighbors, and former students, and their parents, and the checker at the grocery store. This will not do. Not for me.

Besides, who will want to read my blog, if they get tired of me over there? I'm kind of tired of me over there. If  I think of all of the people in the world, is there anyone else left who I really want to connect with? Maybe. Maybe there is someone whom I have forgotten that I loved to be around, and we will find each other there. It will have to be through a friend though. I've gotten all private again.

May peace and less exposure be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.