It's Still Looking A Lot Like Christmas... In June

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

The Christmas music emanating from my CD player is indicative of what my summer break holds for me. The solstice may have been yesterday but you wouldn't know it from the weather outside, nor the cloud hanging over my head inside. My brain, and "OH GOD", my body are ready for a seasonal shift. If the past strewn about the house would just stop nagging at me I could get on with it. I know from experience that unless I deal with things like putting away the Christmas music and stuffing the winter clothes in a trunk I will not be able to fully embrace strawberry shortcake and lazing in the hammock with the newest Janet Evanovich novel.

My job list includes a topic titled, "Little Bits". I have little bits of clutter all over the house that need to be helped along into their proper place. Nearly every room has what I call a clutter corner. The one in the family room has an assortment of magazines, books, and dvds that no one knew what to do with. The corner in the kitchen reminds me of all the things that were broken these past months, with everything from wood glue to a hacksaw peeking out from under old egg cartons, take out menus and piles of greeting cards. Each room is pretty much the same story, different verse.

The clutter creates a stagnant energy all around everyone in the house. It needs to be removed to enervate chi, but it has a paralyzing effect. This catch-22 is hard to get around. I try to tell myself to just power into a project, get it done quickly with some kind of reward waiting for me at the end like a dangling carrot, to no avail. My feet are stuck in an imaginary tar pit. OK, more like my derriere is cemented to the couch... you get the idea, I'm sure. My readers are not idiots.

Why oh why couldn't I have magical powers? It is so NOT fair. I am sure I had them in a past life, that or servants. I keep thinking that I should be able to snap my fingers, and the debris of yesterday will fly into its proper place.

Hmmpf! It's not working. It's not working and my fingers now have a cramp. Well, I CERTAINLY can't put anything away with crampy fingers.

May oblivious housemates and magical thinking be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.

Stop Projecting Onto Me

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

Yeah, I'm in a crank mood. What about it? You want I should stick my head under my pillow and stay there until I'm in a mood that pleases YOU? Forget about it. I've had it with you people. Me, me, me!

May you have a little respect for those of us who give of ourselves 23/7 from, The Goddess of Everything.

S.U.D. (Status Update Disorder)

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

Due to Facebook, I find my mind participating in status update think. As every thought I have does not belong on Facebook, I have decided to post these updates here.

I cannot promise this will not be annoying. You may choose not to read this post.

I will not be offended. Much.

1. feeling bitchy

2. the sunshine is getting on my last nerve

3. i am just a snot machine, and i make snot for nobody but me

4. eating barbara's baked cheese puffs in the dark, and watching Kathy Griffin on YouTube

5. how many more narcissistic sociopaths can my life accommodate?

6. people who create constant chaos and drama need their own island far, far from the rest of us.

7. ooh, a yeast infection AND my period--what a happy day for me.

8. I am so full of crap!

9. If I tell, something bad will happen...

10. shut up, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!

11. no longer able to feed my angel addiction (the tv series, that is).

12. watching another Lifetime movie until the Xanax kicks in.

13. Strike me down and I shall rise again.

14. I am so beyond unhappy.
15. Furlough day 4 of 5, yet I still have to go to work. Oh right, I'm supposed to be happy that I HAVE a job.

to be continued...

May you be indiscreet in private from, The Goddess of Everything

Making It Better

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

I've been in an angry, transitional phase for over a year now. Nearly two, truth be told. First there was 'acceptance' then came anger. Not how it is supposed to work.

I accepted that I needed heart surgery. What followed was a brief time of healing the immediate wounds, and a long time of dealing with the scars.

I'm not done with the scar healing thing, but I am beginning to deal better.

At first, I was angry about the medications making me gain weight. Then, I was really angry about having to go back to work before I felt ready. Later, I was really, really angry about the scars AND going back to work full-time. I don't know that I can do anything about working. Life requires money. Money requires work. I could do something about the scars.

Last week I got a beautiful tattoo that covers one of my scars. It is a monarch butterfly. Now instead of looking down and seeing an ugly scar, I look down and see a beautiful butterfly. It's a start.

May anger lead you to take charge from, The Goddess of Everything.

It's In The Cards

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

My Tarot card of the day well describes my state of being.  So, I'm just going to cut and paste.

Your Daily Tarot Card Saturday, April 18 The Hermit The Hermit represents the need to distance yourself from the people and events in your life that are causing undue strain on your emotions. There are times in your life when seclusion and isolation are warranted. The Hermit is a card of discovery and enlightenment, which can only develop by spending time alone with your thoughts. Your energy will be depleted quickly in social situations. (The last part has been so true for me) Please don't take that first part personally.  My emotional state is a rollercoaster, and it is all about me. May you enjoy peace, and be free from undue strain: The Goddess of Everything.

Whirled Peas

Tonight the goddess speaks about herself:

I cannot sleep, again. 

My mind is whirling like the peas foretold on the car bumpers of old yuppies.

My body temperature does not regulate. 

I am too cold to fall asleep.

I can feel my toes

As if they are a separate part of my body.

My brain is a pool.

All thoughts are precariously balanced. 

They sit staring at the water

Hesitant to jump in case the water is intemperate. 

But, the water is nothing. 

It's just water.

Inside my chest, I can hear my heart.

It is annoyingly loud. 

Something is foreign in there. 

I can't seem to get my mind away from the edge of the pool

to

stop the

precarious thoughts, 

the cold toes, 

the too loud heart.

May peas and quiet be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.

Not In The Mood

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

  (Dear Reader, it's not you; it's me.) With that little disclaimer out of the way I can get started on my purely, self-indulgent whine fest.

     I have not kept up with my blog because I have not been able to step out of myself, and see the humor beneath the cloud of gloom I have created all around me.  Maybe it began with the bad haircut . . . maybe it began with the prescription pill weight gain . . . maybe it began when I had to go back to an overly stressful work environment before I was fully recovered from major surgery . . . maybe, maybe, maybe. Who cares. I'm so sick of myself it's ridiculous. There is NOTHING hugely wrong with me. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. That is why I say I created my own gloomy cloud. BORRring.

     I did get a bad, bad haircut. It was a home job. Chop, chop. It is only now beginning to look good to me three months later. I kind of like how it has grown out. To maintain it I could use another haircut. Problem is, I'm afraid of 'hairstylists'. They scare me more than going back in time to visit a sadistic 60's dentist.  My hair has become the least of my worries. It, at least, is tangible. The rest of me is steeped in negative joo joo; bad energy; cloudy karma; wrong firing neurons. 

     It is way past time to hunt down a mule for a good kick to the head. All around me people are having real problems while I grump about my day. But, here's the thing. I have done my best to protect the general population. I have been in deep hibernation. I don't go anywhere besides work. I stay home, I go to work. I keep out of every one's way. When I do have to go out in public people feel the need to remind me how long it has been since they've seen me. Then, the dreaded question, "What have you been doing?"   Argh.  Nothing. I've been doing nothing. Beyond that I am empty of small talk. I cannot for the life of me exchange pleasantries. When asked how I am, I exert herculean self-control to keep from telling them e-x-a-c-t-l-y how I feel, and it's not 'fine'.  Avoiding engagement, I don't ask how them how they are doing either.

     My doc wondered if I had a hole in my aura. God almighty, that's all I need. I don't know if I have a hole in my damned aura. I'm not sure what my aura does, or if it exists. One time some stranger walked up to me, and told me my aura was hot orange, and I must be in a lot of physical pain. Duh, I was rubbing my neck and wincing in -- wait for it -- pain. OK, so if you know me, you know I am open to all of that woo woo stuff. It's just that my bad mood precludes me being able to deal with any other realms of consciousness right now. Here, now, and three dimensions is about all I can handle. 

    I did work with a psychic/energy cleaner outer/woo woo expert recently, and it just made me mad.  Apparently, I had some hitchhiking old woman stuck to me like glue for the last two years. I guess she's gone now but, I'm pretty upset with her for dragging me down. Just who did she think she was sucking up my good energy because she was too afraid to move on to her next destination? Didn't I have enough to deal with with a failing heart, a stressed out spouse, and a sick kid? The woo woo lady told me to write the hitchhiker lady a letter. I was supposed to put all of my bad feelings in the letter, and burn it. I've heard of adult children of screwed up parents doing that. It's supposed to be cathartic. I haven't done that yet. I guess it couldn't hurt but it's one more thing. 

May peace and an intact aura be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.