Trump Collusion: Buzzfeed Breaks the Big News, Again

It's Felony Friday and Buzzfeed has the exclusive, again! I'd love to stay home from work today to see how this all rolls out. It's a sick cloud of anticipation that's been hanging over our heads for the past 2+ years. Will it rain or will it storm? It looks like it will storm after all. Get your galoshes on. It's time to splash through the puddles and squish through the mud. Click on it. You know you want to: Buzzfeed  

The GoFundMe Wall Fundraiser Was Always Bullshit

So, Brian Kolfage is refunding all of the donations for his Build The Wall fundraiser. I made a joke on a social media thread that the man had no number sense. It would take a decade to raise a billion dollars on a GoFundMe. It was pointed out to me that he has publicity sense."The guy is a right wing conman who has run propaganda sites, a conspiracy theorist looking for his next score." I totally agree with this account of him. I wish I didn't have the background information to agree. I wish I'd never heard of him. His penchant for diabolical schemes is off the charts. Wouldn't it be nice if bottom feeders like this were reduced to staying on the bottom instead of being elevated in our current reality. 

I was just making a 3rd grade teacher joke. I feel like I've been teaching since wiglets were a thing. I can't afford to retire due to my need for a cadillac health insurance policy. I have to amuse myself somehow while these morons take apart everything I believe in. I'm fighting racism one eight year old at a time. It's disheartening how deeply some of them are already invested in hating brown people.

I met a guy recently who spends several months a year living on the cheap, in Mexico. He loves it and couldn't stop talking about all of the perks and how everyone should try it. Then he glibly stated he had donated money to the build the wall. What a head-slapper, right? I can't even with these people. Their blinders are of superior quality. Where do I buy some? I could use a respite from my own intellect, too. Couldn't we all use a break from having to stay so informed and constantly reminding ourselves that THIS IS NOT NORMAL. None of this is normal. (But, it really is now, isn't it?)

Today The Goddess Finally Speaks:

It's been a veritable ocean of time since I last posted anything to my blog. After the election of Voldemort to the highest office of our land, I have developed a kind of manic schizophrenia, waffling from the world is ending gloom to stay positive/don't let evil get the better of you mindset.  The emotional rollercoaster is not my favorite ride on the midway, but here I am, alternately hanging on for dear life and fearlessly throwing my hands up on the biggest drop.

May you find your voice without losing your mind.  From, The Goddess of Everything.

Doing Nothing

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

I could be doing anything, and I am doing nothing. Well, next to nothing. I am switching between reading and browsing the internet. I can't seem to move. 

I am reading, The Dovekeepers. It's a book rich in language and imagery. Normally, a novel like that would keep me engrossed until the absolute final page. Not today. 

Little Things

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

It's the little things: a ketchup bottle on the couch bespeaks an adult child is living at home. The spouse's dirty laundry on my side of the bed is an alert that he is wanting to be taken care of. And, the dead mouse on the front porch tells me that a cat is requiring praise. 

What little indicators do I leave about? It is much harder to say what messages I leave. I do feel the need to announce every little thing I do. Whether it is for validation, or just an opening for conversation is up for interpretation, I guess. 

I have a mammogram today. Not excited. I have taken three yoga classes in preparation for my first breast squishing visit, as well as, my annual trip inside the MRA machine. That's an MRI for people with metal in their bodies. The noise the machine makes, the feeling of isolation, the artificial light in the hospital, the quiet concern of the staff all set me on edge. I have to carefully practice self-calming throughout the entire procedure even with a prescribed anxiety drug. Ugh. 

My girlfriend is accompanying me to the mammogram. She is going to hold my hand, and reward me with dinner after. It helps. My mom is taking me to my MRA. She will wait, reading old magazines, while I go through my ordeal. I imagine it is also an ordeal for her. What anxiety does she feel being in the hospital where I have received so much bad news with her by my side? Will she be remembering how she went all Shirley MacLaine, in Terms of Endearment, when I needed better pain killers? "Give my daughter her pain pills!! She needs her pain pills NOW!!!" It makes me laugh, now, to think of it, but it must have been horrible for her. Maybe she will think of the last time she went to an MRA follow up and I was told I would need another surgery very soon. She had to stay calm and brave while I completely fell apart. How many years did that age her? Not to mention when the hospital nearly killed my son, and she came prepared to do whatever it took to get him the help he needed. I am so thankful she wasn't present when they almost killed me at the angio.  
I honestly considered not asking her to go with me, but selfishly did anyway. I want my mom at this appointment if my husband can't be there. 

Hospitals. Not my favorite place. I must remember that, in the end, they did save my son. They didn't let me die, and maybe they couldn't help causing this aneurism when they were replacing my valve; the reason I have annual MRAs and another heart surgery in my future. Breathe. 

May you breathe through the scary bits with a loved one at your side. From, The Goddess of Everything. 

Waaaa....

Today the goddess speaks about herself:
It's official. I'm sick. Bring on the chicken soup, and  lemon and honey tea. Where's my mother? Dad used to come home from work, when we stayed home sick, and bring us 7-Up, saltines, and chicken noodle soup. I want THAT.  Oh, yeah, I'm old.  The HFCS in 7-Up spikes my insulin. The gluten in saltines makes me more congested, and the Campbell's we used to eat has MSG that triggers migraines. I miss the 'good old days' of being sick. May your memories make you happy if not well, The Goddess of Everything.

I Don't Get It

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

I don't get it; I really don't. This whole men-o-pause thing. I'm not pausing from men. What if I was never into men? Where does this term come from and why must I acknowledge it? It is time for this goddess to do a little research in this area.

Four months ago I skipped a period. I have never skipped and NOT been pregnant. I have never not known when I was pregnant about thirty seconds after I conceived so..... OK, maybe I played a little denial game with myself for a couple of weeks that first pregnancy, but I KNEW. And, I knew four months ago that I was not pregnant. I played a little game with myself then too. Two months ago I skipped again. The game I played then was the 'maybe this is it, and I'm done with this business forever' game. I really don't know what women are complaining about here. It's not so bad.

Not so bad to have a full beard that I spend hours plucking, shaving, covering and fussing over. Not so bad to retain every ounce of fluid that I take into my body. I really don't know where the liquid for my urine comes from. How can I be this bloated and still pee? I don't get it. I don't. But, it's not so bad. I'm not all hot and sweaty or cranky or whatever it is in all of those magazine articles that I skip past with a nonchalant flick of the wrist because I am too young for that yet.

So, anyhoo... back to the why this name for this condition. Upon referring to my handy dandy etymology handbook I am now clear about the term. It's from the Greek. That is why it is all Greek to me. Ha ha. Get it? It's all Greek to me cause I don't get it? ha ha? Not with me on this one I guess. I've been on the floor for a good five minutes guffawing, but oh well... (This lack of ability to be funny must be the meno thingamajig. My memory's not so good in my condition). Menos=month, pause=pause. Thus, the pause of the monthly cycle. That would explain the off again, on again nature of my monthly 'friend' (I use the term lightly--that's kind of a menses joke there too. Sheesh! Keep up people).

Due to my game playing, something I have done my whole life with my period by never acknowledging that it was upon me each and every month since the middle of 5th grade before I even had a chance to turn 11, my god, so unfair, I was completely in the dark as to why I was carping at my beloved all day, and feeling a bit achy. Two symptoms, I might add, that I also refuse to acknowledge pre-in need of feminine product. It is only after I have moped about, lopping off heads left and right, and Aunt Flo has truly stepped through the door, that I am all... "G.D. F-ing hell, it was the PMS!". It really is unfair that it was all my fault and NOT the sole fault all of the headless people who got in my righteous way. I heartily despise the moment that realization hits and I know that I am going to have to make some kind of reparation. I really, really hate that. At any other time I don't care that much about being right. I don't get it!

Today was another such day. I've been going merrily about my head lopping day with a slight headache. I thought it was from drinking too much coffee, or not getting much accomplished on my 4 days before Christmas and I am nowhere near ready list. But, no. One trip to the Ladies... What a pisser. This shouldn't be called a pause. It should be called an interrupter. The pause is good. The interrupter is what is making me crazy. I would rather be hairy and bloated than cranky and achy. Why don't we call this thing Menointerruptus instead? Also, why can't one of the symptoms be bliss? I don't get it. Why do all of the symptoms have to be so mean spirited?

May peace and blissful ignorance be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.

It's Still Looking A Lot Like Christmas... In June

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

The Christmas music emanating from my CD player is indicative of what my summer break holds for me. The solstice may have been yesterday but you wouldn't know it from the weather outside, nor the cloud hanging over my head inside. My brain, and "OH GOD", my body are ready for a seasonal shift. If the past strewn about the house would just stop nagging at me I could get on with it. I know from experience that unless I deal with things like putting away the Christmas music and stuffing the winter clothes in a trunk I will not be able to fully embrace strawberry shortcake and lazing in the hammock with the newest Janet Evanovich novel.

My job list includes a topic titled, "Little Bits". I have little bits of clutter all over the house that need to be helped along into their proper place. Nearly every room has what I call a clutter corner. The one in the family room has an assortment of magazines, books, and dvds that no one knew what to do with. The corner in the kitchen reminds me of all the things that were broken these past months, with everything from wood glue to a hacksaw peeking out from under old egg cartons, take out menus and piles of greeting cards. Each room is pretty much the same story, different verse.

The clutter creates a stagnant energy all around everyone in the house. It needs to be removed to enervate chi, but it has a paralyzing effect. This catch-22 is hard to get around. I try to tell myself to just power into a project, get it done quickly with some kind of reward waiting for me at the end like a dangling carrot, to no avail. My feet are stuck in an imaginary tar pit. OK, more like my derriere is cemented to the couch... you get the idea, I'm sure. My readers are not idiots.

Why oh why couldn't I have magical powers? It is so NOT fair. I am sure I had them in a past life, that or servants. I keep thinking that I should be able to snap my fingers, and the debris of yesterday will fly into its proper place.

Hmmpf! It's not working. It's not working and my fingers now have a cramp. Well, I CERTAINLY can't put anything away with crampy fingers.

May oblivious housemates and magical thinking be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.

Stop Projecting Onto Me

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

Yeah, I'm in a crank mood. What about it? You want I should stick my head under my pillow and stay there until I'm in a mood that pleases YOU? Forget about it. I've had it with you people. Me, me, me!

May you have a little respect for those of us who give of ourselves 23/7 from, The Goddess of Everything.

S.U.D. (Status Update Disorder)

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

Due to Facebook, I find my mind participating in status update think. As every thought I have does not belong on Facebook, I have decided to post these updates here.

I cannot promise this will not be annoying. You may choose not to read this post.

I will not be offended. Much.

1. feeling bitchy

2. the sunshine is getting on my last nerve

3. i am just a snot machine, and i make snot for nobody but me

4. eating barbara's baked cheese puffs in the dark, and watching Kathy Griffin on YouTube

5. how many more narcissistic sociopaths can my life accommodate?

6. people who create constant chaos and drama need their own island far, far from the rest of us.

7. ooh, a yeast infection AND my period--what a happy day for me.

8. I am so full of crap!

9. If I tell, something bad will happen...

10. shut up, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!

11. no longer able to feed my angel addiction (the tv series, that is).

12. watching another Lifetime movie until the Xanax kicks in.

13. Strike me down and I shall rise again.

14. I am so beyond unhappy.
15. Furlough day 4 of 5, yet I still have to go to work. Oh right, I'm supposed to be happy that I HAVE a job.

to be continued...

May you be indiscreet in private from, The Goddess of Everything

Making It Better

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

I've been in an angry, transitional phase for over a year now. Nearly two, truth be told. First there was 'acceptance' then came anger. Not how it is supposed to work.

I accepted that I needed heart surgery. What followed was a brief time of healing the immediate wounds, and a long time of dealing with the scars.

I'm not done with the scar healing thing, but I am beginning to deal better.

At first, I was angry about the medications making me gain weight. Then, I was really angry about having to go back to work before I felt ready. Later, I was really, really angry about the scars AND going back to work full-time. I don't know that I can do anything about working. Life requires money. Money requires work. I could do something about the scars.

Last week I got a beautiful tattoo that covers one of my scars. It is a monarch butterfly. Now instead of looking down and seeing an ugly scar, I look down and see a beautiful butterfly. It's a start.

May anger lead you to take charge from, The Goddess of Everything.

It's In The Cards

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

My Tarot card of the day well describes my state of being.  So, I'm just going to cut and paste.

Your Daily Tarot Card Saturday, April 18 The Hermit The Hermit represents the need to distance yourself from the people and events in your life that are causing undue strain on your emotions. There are times in your life when seclusion and isolation are warranted. The Hermit is a card of discovery and enlightenment, which can only develop by spending time alone with your thoughts. Your energy will be depleted quickly in social situations. (The last part has been so true for me) Please don't take that first part personally.  My emotional state is a rollercoaster, and it is all about me. May you enjoy peace, and be free from undue strain: The Goddess of Everything.

Whirled Peas

Tonight the goddess speaks about herself:

I cannot sleep, again. 

My mind is whirling like the peas foretold on the car bumpers of old yuppies.

My body temperature does not regulate. 

I am too cold to fall asleep.

I can feel my toes

As if they are a separate part of my body.

My brain is a pool.

All thoughts are precariously balanced. 

They sit staring at the water

Hesitant to jump in case the water is intemperate. 

But, the water is nothing. 

It's just water.

Inside my chest, I can hear my heart.

It is annoyingly loud. 

Something is foreign in there. 

I can't seem to get my mind away from the edge of the pool

to

stop the

precarious thoughts, 

the cold toes, 

the too loud heart.

May peas and quiet be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.

Not In The Mood

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

  (Dear Reader, it's not you; it's me.) With that little disclaimer out of the way I can get started on my purely, self-indulgent whine fest.

     I have not kept up with my blog because I have not been able to step out of myself, and see the humor beneath the cloud of gloom I have created all around me.  Maybe it began with the bad haircut . . . maybe it began with the prescription pill weight gain . . . maybe it began when I had to go back to an overly stressful work environment before I was fully recovered from major surgery . . . maybe, maybe, maybe. Who cares. I'm so sick of myself it's ridiculous. There is NOTHING hugely wrong with me. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. That is why I say I created my own gloomy cloud. BORRring.

     I did get a bad, bad haircut. It was a home job. Chop, chop. It is only now beginning to look good to me three months later. I kind of like how it has grown out. To maintain it I could use another haircut. Problem is, I'm afraid of 'hairstylists'. They scare me more than going back in time to visit a sadistic 60's dentist.  My hair has become the least of my worries. It, at least, is tangible. The rest of me is steeped in negative joo joo; bad energy; cloudy karma; wrong firing neurons. 

     It is way past time to hunt down a mule for a good kick to the head. All around me people are having real problems while I grump about my day. But, here's the thing. I have done my best to protect the general population. I have been in deep hibernation. I don't go anywhere besides work. I stay home, I go to work. I keep out of every one's way. When I do have to go out in public people feel the need to remind me how long it has been since they've seen me. Then, the dreaded question, "What have you been doing?"   Argh.  Nothing. I've been doing nothing. Beyond that I am empty of small talk. I cannot for the life of me exchange pleasantries. When asked how I am, I exert herculean self-control to keep from telling them e-x-a-c-t-l-y how I feel, and it's not 'fine'.  Avoiding engagement, I don't ask how them how they are doing either.

     My doc wondered if I had a hole in my aura. God almighty, that's all I need. I don't know if I have a hole in my damned aura. I'm not sure what my aura does, or if it exists. One time some stranger walked up to me, and told me my aura was hot orange, and I must be in a lot of physical pain. Duh, I was rubbing my neck and wincing in -- wait for it -- pain. OK, so if you know me, you know I am open to all of that woo woo stuff. It's just that my bad mood precludes me being able to deal with any other realms of consciousness right now. Here, now, and three dimensions is about all I can handle. 

    I did work with a psychic/energy cleaner outer/woo woo expert recently, and it just made me mad.  Apparently, I had some hitchhiking old woman stuck to me like glue for the last two years. I guess she's gone now but, I'm pretty upset with her for dragging me down. Just who did she think she was sucking up my good energy because she was too afraid to move on to her next destination? Didn't I have enough to deal with with a failing heart, a stressed out spouse, and a sick kid? The woo woo lady told me to write the hitchhiker lady a letter. I was supposed to put all of my bad feelings in the letter, and burn it. I've heard of adult children of screwed up parents doing that. It's supposed to be cathartic. I haven't done that yet. I guess it couldn't hurt but it's one more thing. 

May peace and an intact aura be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.

     

Day Light Savings Time

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

The Goddess HATES Day Light Savings Time. She really really hates 'Spring Forward'. I don't need to lose one more hour of sleep, in my life. If I could gain an hour every month, now that would be worth changing the clocks for.

I will not get over this. I will not go with the flow. I will not ignore it (well, maybe just a little). If I were braver, I would rebel. I would refuse to acknowledge the change, and show up everywhere an hour later. So there!

May peace and more sleep be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.

It's All Been Said Before

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

I haven't written in awhile. Every time I come up with and idea, I read another's blog, who has already stated my point of view. EVERYONE is writing something these days. Good or bad, it all seems to be out there. Also, I haven't felt very funny, but that's another story -- I think . . .

What's left to say? Well, I feel overexposed. I've been on Facebook for a few months now, and it seems like my business is like laundry hanging out to dry in the surburbs. I've done it to myself; filling out all of those surveys and lists about myself. One blogger likened it to the little morsels of pillow talk one usually spills out over months of dating. I've just upchucked myself all over the internet.

Cousin S admitted that it was a bit Narcissistic. This had occurred to me when I first set out on my little FB adventure. I deliberately chose to allow myself to be a narcissist in this particular environment. It's fun. Why not? 

Now, as I find myself, overexposed and wanting to pull back I have to think about how that is going to work. I notice my eldest son and his friends never post a status update. They rarely check the site except to post pictures of/for each other. That seems reasonable -- well, save for the one guy who always posts the pictures of everyone else drinking, drinking, drinking at parties. That's got to get old after a bit. 

I don't want to leave the environment, I simply want to pull in a bit. The catalyst came when someone was suggested to me, as a friend, that I was not prepared to have know anything personal about me. I immediately went in and amped up my privacy settings.  My next step may be to erase my most personal details. I've already begun that process by taking down some of my info. It won't be as much fun perhaps, but the landscape has changed. I am no longer surrounded by only trusted friends. There are all of these friends of friends, and neighbors, and former students, and their parents, and the checker at the grocery store. This will not do. Not for me.

Besides, who will want to read my blog, if they get tired of me over there? I'm kind of tired of me over there. If  I think of all of the people in the world, is there anyone else left who I really want to connect with? Maybe. Maybe there is someone whom I have forgotten that I loved to be around, and we will find each other there. It will have to be through a friend though. I've gotten all private again.

May peace and less exposure be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.

All Amped Up Yet Strangely Tired

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

It has been a good and full day. I should be in bed, and yet here I sit. I'm not so tired, but too tired to trudge up the stairs, wash my face, and change out of my clothes. In fact, I still have my coat and scarf on. I have been home for 3 hours.  If it weren't so cold, I would fall asleep in this chair.

Today I got to say good-bye to someone I refused to say hello to. The outgoing president; "He who can't be named".  Not a fan, never a fan, read the books and followed the stories when he was running for Texas governor. Why didn't half of the country do their research before they voted?

It is such a relief. I don't know what will change, but something has got to be better than the black cloud of fear and hate that this last dude perpetuated. 

New guy, new president, history being made, breath of fresh air for this moment. I am way too much of a socialist to think that the air will completely be to my liking.  I don't think I will need my gas mask anymore though. Whew. 

I look forward to tomorrow, for my country. When was the last time I thought that thought? 

As my eyelids droop, and my fingers click away, I am reminded that the sooner I get to bed, the sooner I can wake up to a full day of new hope.  It is almost like a childhood Christmas eve. Thank you, America. Thank you for not picking the political look-alike.  Memories are short around here so I will savor these years while they last. Voters seem fickle. Today I say thank god for their fickleness,  unlike eight years ago when I was railing against the stupidity fickleness brought.  Fickle pickle tickle.

I'm amped and ready to go. I'm tired and ready for a deep sleep. All and everything. It's cold, so I will rush up the stairs rather than trudge. I will fling my clothes off, and tuck myself into bed with cozy pajamas on, and sweet dreams on my pillow. Oh, and a kitty or two at the foot of my bed. Cats on the bed were not allowed during the last presidency. It is a new and hopeful era. A cats get to sleep on the bed era. Nothing will disturb this goddesses sleep tonight, or hopefully for the next 4 years. 

May a confluence of energy and excellent exhaustion be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.

A New Year, A New (Old) Me

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

Why do we feel the need to make big resolutions at the turn of the new year? Because it feels new, darn it. It is a place to start over, make a run at old and new goals. Some years I feel more inclined to participate in the resolutions game than others. This year is looking to be a goal setting one. 

I am a list maker. I operate so much better with a list in my hand, and a pen, with purple ink, to cross out each item as it is completed. I will even write things down I have already done to be able to cross something off right away -- just to get the ball rolling in the right direction. 

Mostly, I  want to keep my household running smoothly, with less clutter, see that my family's needs are met, and that I am practicing regular self care. This year I have set a few bigger goals. I MUST travel. I MUST. Recently, I mentioned a class a friend is teaching in Italy, and my husband said that I should sign up for it. I have always wanted to travel in Europe with my husband so, have put off many opportunities. When I have been to Europe it has been with my sisters. That makes for a different kind of gondola ride, but oh well. So, I am going to do it. I am going to commit to the trip. If the man wants to join me, he may. I'm not going to worry about it. Once summer hits he is in the studio and I don't see him again until the middle of September anyway.

I also plan to be on skis by spring. I had set a goal to be skiing this winter, but haven't felt ready (still healing from the heart thing). I heard myself turning down a ski trip for this weekend siting too much exertion for my energy level, and I blanched. I know I need to allow my body time to heal, but I'm thinking it partly a head thing. Anyway, it had better be snowing in March, because that is how I want to spend some of my spring break.

I am in training people. Writing it out; making a list will inevitably help me keep my eye on the prize. I trained for heart surgery. Now, I am in training to reclaim an active life. This means more list making, and less Facebook, MySpace, Netflix and Janet Evanovich. Those were on my 'rest to heal' list. I have two gym memberships, and a host of friends and family past ready to have me reclaim my activity director hat. 

I would have liked to spice this entry up with humor, but I am just waking up (with a bad haircut). Next time. I'll be funny. I promise. It's on my next list. 

May peace and an active life be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.

{PS, writing is on my list ;)}

Cr*p (I hate that word but, it so applies)

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

"You might try a variety of tactics to keep you from sliding into a funk today and the easiest one is to let others distract you from your complex emotions. Surrounding yourself with like-minded family, friends or colleagues is one way to avoid sinking into your feelings . . ."

This is my horoscope today. It is spot on so far. I AM sliding into a funk, and I will be surrounded by family today. I don't know about like-minded, but it will probably be a distraction. 

I am cranky. Ridiculous reasons for funk sliding:

1. I hate my new haircut.

2. I've gained a lot of weight.

3. I don't want to have jury duty next week when I was snowed out of my classroom the last week of school, and I have no lesson plans prepared.

4. I loved staying home so much, that I never want to go back to work.

5. I haven't heard from my kids for three days, and I don't know if they know that we have to be in Sherwood by 11:30 this morning.

6. I want to go to Seattle for New Year's but B has to work, and I don't know if Dunc can take care of the animals if we are gone, which we can't because B has to work.

7. I wake up too early every morning. Usually I just go back to sleep until 

9 or 10 o'clock, but today I have to be in Sherwood by 11:30 (whose idea was that? What's wrong with 2:30, or 3:30?).

8. There's a 9 between my 7 and 8.

9. I'm whining and that is never flattering. I can't afford unflattering whining when I have a bad haircut, and have to wear Big Girl jeans that I swore I would never have to wear again so, I got rid of all of them, and now I had to buy some new ones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10.AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (screaming inside my head to disturb the negative thinking patterns that are developing by writing this blog).

May peace and only ridiculous worries be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.

Waa, Waa, My Hair Is Gone

Today the goddess speaks about herself:

Sigh. I lost my mind this week. Saturday night to be exact. I am still trying to figure out what got into me. I cut my own hair. Never, never, never a good idea. I'm not talking a little trim. I'm talking massive hair lossage.

I haven't had a professional haircut since April. My hair has just grown and grown, like Rapunzel. It was long and super shaggy. There was absolutely no style to it whatsoever. If I didn't curl it it was Mennonite hair (without the little white cap). That's fine if one is a Mennonite. I am not. I was feeling a little too country girl, I guess.

Also, I am not a fan of the super long hair on old women. From behind, they look all young and sexy then, they turn around and, BAM! It's hard to look away from such a dichotomy.  Also, it is a bit scary, as if your very own eyes are playing tricks on you. 

I wanted  some sexy movement in my hair. So, I cut it short around my face. Poofta! My hair poofed up, framing my face with thick, brown apostrophes. Not my best look. Then, to alleviate this heavy look, I cut some of the hair in the middle, creating bangs. My husband told me not to, but a little devil possessed my scissor hand. Bangs. My super long hair in the back looked stupid now, kinda like "party in the back" 70's hair. So I wacked that off just below the shoulder. Five pounds of hair -- into the trash bin. 

"Agh!" I've never heard my husband scream before. He wasn't joking. That was his lizard brain response. Scream, cover eyes, quickly turn away.  My lower lip trembled like it hasn't since I was about five years old. Twenty-five years together, and he couldn't control himself. I could tell he knew he had screwed up. Spouses have an  arsenal of 'supportive phrases' that by a quarter of a century are as easy to access as excess ear and nose hair. (If I could cut that off and glue it on my head, I would).

All I could do was crawl into bed, and hope that when I woke up, I would discover that it was all a bad dream. When it turned out to not be a bad dream, I swallowed my pride and explained myself to the hairdresser I hadn't seen in months. She told me she could make it all OK. But, after an hour it was another two pounds lighter, and much, much shorter. It's hair. It will grow back. I just wish I could stay in bed until that happens. 

When my husband saw my new do, he didn't hesitate, "That looks good -- it's sexy".

May peace and a true love be yours from, The Goddess of Everything.